Arsenal. Arsenal. Arsenal. Everywhere you look this morning, assorted folk are weeping, wailing, gnashing their teeth and wringing their hands to stumps over poor old Arsenal. Having fielded an understrength team who looked clueless and bereft of ideas in the FA Cup against Blackburn Rovers, Arsène Wenger will go in with all guns blazing for Tuesday's Champions League last-16 first leg at home against Bayern Munich. The runaway Bundesliga leaders will enter the Emirates arena quivering in terror at the prospect of facing the Arsenal stars who proved such a handful against Bradford City – the League Two side needed penalties to advance to the next round of the Capital One Cup.
Depending on which newspapers or websites you read with your breakfast tea, Wenger is plotting the purchase of a number of players to bolster his side's strength in depth, or at least pretending to plot their purchase, until such time as they sign for some other club and he gets to greet the news that they've signed for somebody else instead with one of his trademark "But what can I do?" shoulder shrugs.
With a couple of burly centre-backs, a nails-hard midfield enforcer and an out-and-out goalscorer all high on Wenger's list of priorities, it should come as no surprise that the Sun reports that the Arsenal manager is ready to offer Barcelona £10m for their goalkeeper Victor Valdés, a player who has won four La Liga titles, three Champions Leagues, two Uefa Super Cups, two World Club Cups, two Copa del Reys, five Supercopa de Españas, one European Championship and a World Cup in the seven years, eight months and 27 days that have passed since Arsenal last bagged themselves a trophy. Nobody likes a show-off, Victor.
Elsewhere, it's suggested that it is a different, less decorated Spanish goalkeeper whose name features on Wenger's shopping list, with the Telegraph, among others, reporting that Pepe Reina could be on his way to the Emirates. Considering the evidence of this bicycle kick scored by the Liverpool goalkeeperin training, it's not inconceivable that Wenger is hoping to bring him to Arsenal as a replacement for the hapless striker Gervinho.
Other Arsenal targets? Lewis Hamilton lookalike and recent QPR target and Toulouse central midfielder Etienne Capoue, not to mention the Fiorentina striker Stevan Jovetic, the Montenegro striker who returned from a spell in the doldrums with two goals in the Serie A drubbing of Internazionale over the weekend.
The Mirror reports that Southampton are "dithering" over handing their mid-match loo-going winger Jason Puncheon a new contract, possibly because they're concerned he might use it instead of that imaginary Andrex with which he famously conducted a recent goal celebration. With Newcastle and West Ham interested in securing the player's services, Saints might want to make sure that, unlike Puncheon himself, they don't dilly-dally for too long and end up getting caught short.
Having failed to sign the Saint-Etienne striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang during the January transfer window, Newcastle will renew their efforts to bring him to the north-east in January, but look likely to face competition for the well travelled 23-year-old Gabon international's signature from Chelsea, Paris Saint-Germain and Monaco.
Meanwhile in Scotland, the Celtic striker Anthony Stokes will be offered a contract extension, while Motherwell are rummaging down the back of the Fir Park sofa in the hope of finding enough change to make it worth free agent James McFadden's while to return to a club where he already enjoys hero status.
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